Hello Britpod,

First I would encourage you to join our foundation, it is there to teach you to sleep, before I joined I had never slept before. Anyway on with the time travelingbit....

This is a true story, it just hasn't happened yet that's all...

The year is 2007 and Marty is busy in the lab, "Eureka" he shouts "I've done it, eventually, I have discovered the secret of the universe and as a side effect also invented this time machine, I think I will call this machine Britpod after that fantastic show we used to do about a year ago before being closed down for racism against wheelchair users. I'll have to tell the team straight away"

"Who is going to give it a go first then" asks Nik the Swiss "I bet it don't keep time like a Swiss watch"

"I will, I will says Jamie excitedly, well what have I got to lose, I'm already disabled "

"Ok , me you and Marty will go" says Captain James in an annoying Devon farmer/pirate voice.

Vamouch.. A portal appears

Ok time to step through

Suaasssss.. the portal closes

Marty and James appear safely on a sunny beach

"Look" the radiation must have killed all the fish, they're all floating on the water
, but why is Jamie's wheelchair floating in the water?" asks James

"Ohh Nooo, He's drowned, the poor beggar can't walk, never mind swim" Cries Marty

The chair washes onto the pebbled shore..

Marty decides to pull it out and have a sit down.

"You know what this is Marty, it's the Dead sea.. har har ya pesky land lover"

"shut up with that stupid fucking voice, our friend is dead stop messing about"

Meanwhile a group of fishermen gather....

"Arise from that chair matey, I mean Marty har har"

Marty stands up

The fishermen are amazed. One who goes by the name of peter speaks "Who is this man who makes the paralyzedwalk from that brand new wheeled contraption just invented for paralyzedpeople"

Meanwhile a large horde of beggars gather (around 5000)

James picks up a dead fish and throws it over, hitting a one in the face.

"He looks annoyed" says Marty

"I'm going to throw all these fish at them bastards" Screams James

"Quick lets get out of here they're coming...." Marty shreiks like a little girl

Vamouch

The portal reopens

"Run, Run"

"But who are you"shouts Peter

"Ja......"

Suaasssss

The portal closes

"That was Jesus" Peter says contently to himself.

The End

Look out for the next episode coming your way soon, whether you like it or not!

Graham Murray
National Sleep Foundation Founder

Hello Britpod,

Plaees take time to spned some time thikning about our dyslexia fouandation for dogs sake please detonate.

They were here when we left?:

James and Marty jumped through a time portal, Jamie is dead - or so everyone thinks...

"Didn't they always think that, wasn't he one of the zombies in Shaun of the dead?? "said Marty

"No he's just a character in a Rolf Harris song, your thinking of Simon Pegg, and he wasn't one of the Zombies"

"Oh yeah silly me, anyway what we going to do about..." (Squeak, Squeak noises can be heard) "Jamie!!"

"I was saved, you came back to save me, and now I'm back to save the world" Says a happy hippy Jamie

"You look older, what year did you come from?"

"I am now 2054 years old, I have traveledthrough many galaxies and time zones to be here, yet I'm still handicapped there is no hope for me"

Jamie dances into the room

"What the fuck, 2 Jamie's??" Marty curses

"I do get cured" A seated Jamie exhilarates. A tear rolls down his cheek

"No its only me" Chris rips a mask of Jamie's face off his own.

"We have come back to save the world, turns out that Captain James over there is actually the father of Hitler"

"Me, Hitler's dad?, I don't think so"

"Fraid so, now all we got to do is a little castration and we'll be on our way" Chris takes out an old pair of horse castrators, and makes snipping noises with them.

"No way am I'm letting you anywhere near me with those rusty things"

"Come on, some people enjoy it, you'll never know until you give it a go!, we could just kill you, but this way is so much more fun"

"Can't I just promise not to sleep with Hitler's mother?... This is all your fault Marty If you hadn't invented the stupid Britpod time machine then none of this could have happened and I could keep my balls where they belong"

Chris pulls out a phaser

"The phaser's set to kill, so don't move or you'll be brown bread"

"You do it Jamie" Chris passes over the castrators to Jamie

"I always secretly really wanted to do this" Jamie smirks

DUM DUM DUM

What will happen next: Will James lose his balls to the hands of a handicapped dude?, Will Britpod ever be destroyed?, Will Jamie ever be cured? What happened to Nik the Swiss?, Will Adam or Paul ever get a mention?

Find Out Next week in: Episode 6 Return of the Jesus...


Graham Murray DFF
Dyslexia Foundation (Founder)

You Guys Rock!
Greetings from the Mississippi Gulf Coast, specifically Long Beach! You guys really have made life easier down here for me atleast. I moved here in July from Birmingham, AL just in time to have Katrina hit and put the ocean up to the roof of the rental house where I was living.

My wife and I lost some crap but we were fortunate enough to find a new house. Although things are slowly getting back to normal, its can still get depressing down here.

This is where you guys come in. I just recently discovered your podcast and it has made life that much better. Sure, my sides hurt after listening to you guys, but its well worth it. Keep up the good work and keep them coming. Support is one the way and I look forward to wearing my plums shirt.
Josh

I HAVE TO PROTECT MYSELF FROM YOU! - Matthew

Since your such big HE-Man fans I had to share this with you. My friend an I were playing this really boring but free online game called mu-online. There he informed me that he thinks that he saw battle cat. Since you are the only ones that I know with such wisdom in this area I wish to get your expert opinion on this matter. is it in fact battle cat? Has he come to help battle evil here as well?
- Matthew

James: Matthew, this is not Battle Cat but the French Feline of Mischief, Battle Chat.

Hello Britpod,

I would like to arrange a meeting to discuss a possible sponsorship deal. This deal will involve our members putting Britpod stickers on each of their wheelchairs and you paying me.

I would also like to take this opportunity to inform you of the growing number of complaints we have been receiving about your racism against people in wheelchairs. People in chairs with wheels are people like you and me who for some reason have lost their legs or become paralysed (like Jamie), they do not deserve to be ridiculed and our loyal members are making a stand against your show. We are aware however that some impostors do exist, these people can usually be discovered by using a large hammer and hitting their knees very hard, we can not condone this violence against true wheelchair users though as although they will feel no pain, they might have money from big compensation payouts and thus good lawyers! Actually it's probably not a good idea to do it to any rich people, unless they are a celebrity, and then it will be worth it!

Anyway I'll leave it there for now, but I'll get back in touch if you give me a mention or get back in touch or something! Maybe I will anyway just to annoy you some more.

Graham Murray WCF MIWC
Wheelchair Foundation (1864) Founder

Greetings, fellow Brit(s?) and Mac users!
<lame intro/>

The weather is bullshit in sunny Grimsby! Please let me die.

I thank you for brightening up my week and offending my peers with your foul language.
It really makes my week seeing the look of disgust on their faces.
Or amusement. Yeah. I'm sure they're entertained. Must be.

I just took a shot at your milk challenge and it's true! I coated a 50 quid rug in vomit, milk and conspicuously white mess. Awesome. :D

It'll be alright though. I'll just blame it on the fucking dog.

Oh, and here's the perfect Christmas gift for Jamie.
No, I don't know where to order it. Fuck off: